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February 21, 2010 / milesandhisfavorites

The Barracks Files: Scrap Needed

Between my normal life’s intervals, I sometimes play Fusionfall.  And even, rarely, I zap myself into the game.  I just press the M button on my Mandark Industries transmitter, and I black out, only to find myself in the Peach Creek Estates.  I then go to my army’s barracks, which are in the Delightful Developments infected zone, and command the the army from there.  It’s a pretty easy job, no offense.  But it has it’s ups and downs.  Like one time in May…

I had sent a few scouts to confirm a Don Doom sighting, and suddenly I got a transmission from Mandark, who was just outside.  “Pick up, pick up!” he said.  “Good, you can hear me.  Listen, I have a problem.  my Time Lab entrance has completely shut down on me.  I mean, it was smoking and there were sparks, and, well, you get the idea.  Anyway, I don’t have the means to fix it, but if you can gather enough scrap, I’ll give you a hefty reward.  How about, say, 10, 000 Taros?  Good.  Mandark, out.”  I quickly got ahold of the scouts.  They told me they were free.  The Don Doom sighting was only a misunderstood Bad Burro.  Time to bring in the cavalry.

I figured that scrap  metal could be found in the Painsaw Junkyard and Goat’s Junkyard. (Actually, those were the ONLY junkyards)  Anyway, I dispatched a smaller team of scouts and cadets to the Peach Creek Commons to fight off the Bossblade Painsaw, who was always hoarding Dexlabs scrap technology.  Goat’s Junkyard has just about anything that’s made of metal.  Cars, TVs, futuristic giant robots, you name it, it’s there.  The larger group went with me to go there.  If there’s one problem there, it’s the Don Dread Head.  One time, when Samurai Jack was still stationed outside the infected zone, the Don Dread Head ventured away from Dread Head territory, which is the northern area of the junkyard.  He trashed the Dexbot warp gate attendant and shut down the Dexlabs energy shields, which released Fusion Matter and monsters into the teeny, tiny area outside the infected zone.  As you can imagine, they all didn’t fit, so they crossed the bridge into the Peach Creek Estates and invaded there.  The shields were shut down in that infected zone, which would later become our barracks, and so on and so on.  Every infected zone was shut down, and the world took a serious blow.  It took over 400 players two weeks to contain every monster, get the shields back online, and clean up the remaining mess.  When he was in Genius Grove, he stole important software from Mandark’s original labs.  The Mandroids managed to revover it, but we believe he used the Dread Heads to engineer doomsday weapons that could destroy our world!  So we had a rubber Bigfoot that probably has the ingredients for Armegaddeon, and a chainsaw-handed creepy-crawler to destroy.  Easy, right?

Well, keep reading to find out!  Back to the story.  After fighting our way across the junkyard, we came across at least 2 dozen Dread Heads lumbering around.  Some were whacking players with clumsy but dangerous melee attacks, using their giant hands.  Others were just walking all over the place, or at least the crest of some spiky hills.  At any rate, several were hunched over a crushed car, somehow burning their own rubber to weld other pieces of steel to it.  When they pulled back, I saw something that looked like a porcupine on wheels, but I knew what it was from an old file Mandark had once shown me.  It was a Roly-Poly Roader.  In other terms, a time machine that doubled as a destruction machine.  “Perfect for fixing the time lab”, I thought.  “Move in and fire at will!” I shouted.

We did, and managed to get a few key components from the dead Dread Heads before they sunk into the ground.  Just as we were exiting the infected zone, I got a call from a cadet in the Painsaw Junkyard.  “Can’t…regenerating too quickly…ack!” said a squeaky voice.  I quickly ordered everyone to get to the Painsaw Junkyard, and do it fast!  When we got there, I gasped.  It was a massacre.  Painsaws were killing people faster than they could get back on the battlefield.  Overlooking this carnage was the Bossblade Painsaw, who was atop a crushed pickup truck.  I told anyone with a Titan Machine to bring it out, and then ordered out a triangular formation.  I shot a sonic ray, and then everyone else did in turn.  The Painsaws started to slowly fall.  I ordered anyone who was still alive to step back.  Even when they’re sinking into Fusion Matter, they’re still dangerous.  Imagine four guillotines spinning one by one.  Not something you’d want to be within a few feet of.  What really surprised me was that they were regenerating quickly, almost springing up right after one went down.  So I ordered everyone with an Airbrush Blaster to bring it out and aim for the ground.  Just as I expected, the Painsaws went down, but didn’t spring back up again.  The liquid ammunition in the blaster repelled the Fusion Matter.  I went to Mandark after the problem was eliminated.  I told him about his theories being correct.  He was grateful, and threw in 3000 more Taros for the information.  It was a good day.

Airbrush Blaster


Titan Machine


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