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June 1, 2010 / milesandhisfavorites

Familia Crazia: There’s Such Thing

(scene is living room)

(Dad and Miles enter)

Dad: Okay, Miles, give me ideas.

Miles: For what?

Dad: For what?  For what?!  Our family’s reputation is at stake every year around this time, and you say for what?!

Miles: Yeah.  For what?

(laugh track)

Dad: Fine.  I need ideas for this year’s Halloween display.

Miles: Oh.  Then it’s nothing new.

(laugh track)

Dad: This is serious, young man!  We have got to beat out those Snellers!

Miles: You mean that family next door you call the Smellers?

Dad: Don’t tell Mom!

(laugh track)

Dad: Listen, it’s not like I can use the city’s haunted…reputation…why didn’t I think of this before!

Miles: Dad.  Dad?  Uh-oh.

(laugh track)

(theme song)

Miles: Dad?!

Dad: What?

Miles: You had one of those looks on your face.  You know, the one where it looks like you’re plotting something.

Dad: Of course no-yes.

(laugh track)

Miles: It’ll cost five dollars apiece for a high-velocity power cable, and ten for a heat-resistant backpack.  What size jumpsuit do you wear?

(laugh track)

Dad: Deal.

(laugh track)

Miles: First, what do you need them for?

Dad: I’m gonna use the city’s haunted reputation to create the ultimate Halloween display, and you’re gonna help me!

Miles: Why isn’t there such thing as an Easter display?

(laugh track)

Dad: Because that’s just plain old boring!

Miles: Fine.  I’ll get working on this!

Dad: Just follow these designs!

(Dad hands Miles pile of blueprints)

Miles: Whuff!

(laugh track)

Dad: That’s it, you got it!

Miles: Is it just me, or did the Earth’s center of gravity suddenly shift a bit?

(laugh track)

Dad: It’s not you!

(laugh track)

(scene is front of church)

Dad: And then we trap the Stained Glass Ghost in one of Miles’s ecto-grenades!  Any questions?

Miles: Yes.  Were the proton packs really necessary?

Dad: Now that I think about it, yes!

Miles: Now that I think about it, I look like an idiot.

Dad: Now that I thi-

Eli: Will you two just stop thinking?!

(laugh track)

Dad: Fine, but we’re still going in there!

Miles: Are you sure?

Eli: Yeah, are you sure?

Dad: Will someone back me up here?

(Mom enters)

Mom: I will.  Now, you two go in there and help your father!

Miles: Why don’t you two go in there yourselves, see how that works out?

Mom: Why not?

Dad: Okay.

(Mom and Dad enter church)

Miles and Eli: Three, two, one.

(Mom and Dad come running out of the church)

(laugh track)

Dad: What was that?

Mom: It was either the Stained Glass Ghost or…there’s really no other option!

(laugh track)

Miles: You see why we didn’t wanna go in there?

Dad: Why?  Because you were scared?

Eli: No.  Because we used a heat-warping ray to slightly move the huge stained glass window, so we just made fools out of you!

(laugh track)

Mom: Ha, ha, very funny.

Dad: Yeah.  We knew it was you guys all along.  After all, there’s no such thing as ghosts!

(moaning noises come from inside church)

Dad: I take it back!  I take it back!

(laugh track)

Everyone: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!



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