Familia Crazia: There’s Such Thing
(scene is living room)
(Dad and Miles enter)
Dad: Okay, Miles, give me ideas.
Miles: For what?
Dad: For what? For what?! Our family’s reputation is at stake every year around this time, and you say for what?!
Miles: Yeah. For what?
Dad: Fine. I need ideas for this year’s Halloween display.
Miles: Oh. Then it’s nothing new.
Dad: This is serious, young man! We have got to beat out those Snellers!
Miles: You mean that family next door you call the Smellers?
Dad: Don’t tell Mom!
Dad: Listen, it’s not like I can use the city’s haunted…reputation…why didn’t I think of this before!
Miles: Dad. Dad? Uh-oh.
Miles: You had one of those looks on your face. You know, the one where it looks like you’re plotting something.
Dad: Of course no-yes.
Miles: It’ll cost five dollars apiece for a high-velocity power cable, and ten for a heat-resistant backpack. What size jumpsuit do you wear?
Miles: First, what do you need them for?
Dad: I’m gonna use the city’s haunted reputation to create the ultimate Halloween display, and you’re gonna help me!
Miles: Why isn’t there such thing as an Easter display?
Dad: Because that’s just plain old boring!
Miles: Fine. I’ll get working on this!
Dad: Just follow these designs!
(Dad hands Miles pile of blueprints)
Dad: That’s it, you got it!
Miles: Is it just me, or did the Earth’s center of gravity suddenly shift a bit?
Dad: It’s not you!
(scene is front of church)
Dad: And then we trap the Stained Glass Ghost in one of Miles’s ecto-grenades! Any questions?
Miles: Yes. Were the proton packs really necessary?
Dad: Now that I think about it, yes!
Miles: Now that I think about it, I look like an idiot.
Dad: Now that I thi-
Eli: Will you two just stop thinking?!
Dad: Fine, but we’re still going in there!
Miles: Are you sure?
Eli: Yeah, are you sure?
Dad: Will someone back me up here?
Mom: I will. Now, you two go in there and help your father!
Miles: Why don’t you two go in there yourselves, see how that works out?
Mom: Why not?
(Mom and Dad enter church)
Miles and Eli: Three, two, one.
(Mom and Dad come running out of the church)
Dad: What was that?
Mom: It was either the Stained Glass Ghost or…there’s really no other option!
Miles: You see why we didn’t wanna go in there?
Dad: Why? Because you were scared?
Eli: No. Because we used a heat-warping ray to slightly move the huge stained glass window, so we just made fools out of you!
Mom: Ha, ha, very funny.
Dad: Yeah. We knew it was you guys all along. After all, there’s no such thing as ghosts!
(moaning noises come from inside church)
Dad: I take it back! I take it back!