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April 9, 2011 / milesandhisfavorites

Front Lines Chapter Six: Burlida Trashes Central Park

When I woke up, I was dangling at least seventy feet in the air.  Me, along with Burlida and Jacob were hanging-from mummy bandages, classic Osiris-from the fluke of the American Museum Of Natural History’s blue whale model.  Jacob came to, and his eyes instantly went wide open.  “Whoa,” he said, voice shaking.  “Okay, Osiris!  We’ve had enough!  Now, let us down!”  Suddenly, far below us, on the carpet where guests could behold our whale prison, Osiris appeared.  He looked like a normal Egyptian man, only he was wearing a white tunic, jeweled necklaces, and a hat that looked sort of like a bowling pin.  He was riding a rhino-sized skeleton.  I had seen it before, during my previous visits to the museum, which were often, considering my family lived in the Big Apple.  It was a Styracosaurus.  Osiris had brought a dead dinosaur to life.

Osiris grinned, though I couldn’t see it very well because of how far up I was trapped.  “Well, well, well.  My prisoners have awakened.  And so has this poor fellow, trapped in a fossil prison for many millions of years.  Oh, imagine the havoc I could cause if I could, say, bring the museum’s entire fossil collection to life!  I hear it’s very prestigious…”  Burlida growled like a cheetah.  “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, but dear Mimi, that is what you do not understand.  I WOULD dare, and I WILL dare.”

“If you bring those things to life, they’ll tear you to pieces.”

“One, I am immortal, so no real harm done, and two, they shall be under my command until they crumble into dust!”

“Then why don’t you kill us right now?”

“I’m having too much fun!  Besides,won’t it just be fun to kill you, the last mortals in New York City!”

“You’ve killed them all?”

“No, fairy-idiot, though I have given them a bit a bit of a scare.”

“What did you do?”

“I don’t reveal my secrets.”

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“It won’t help, but I sent a pride of mountain gorillas to trash Dylan’s Candy Bar.”

Yep, Osiris was evil.  That’s when Burlida’s voice changed into that of a raspy snake’s, and she began to speak.

Magula, akuana, gati, hokanu

Of this day, death god, you shall rue!

Halin, forma, diska, trys

Undo the curse of Medusa’s eyes!”

I heard a massive roaring noise coming from the general direction of the Hall Of Biodiversity.  A huge T-rex burst into the hall, and Osiris yelled something in Egyptian.  His dinosaur steed groaned and charged in the opposite direction, pursued by the prehistoric carnivore.  Burlida suddenly went limp, then woke up again with a start.  “Wazzamattawitaldaroarin?”  That’s when she spit on her bandages, unraveling them and making them shrink into thread, falling loose onto the floor.  Unfortunately, this also sent her plummeting to the carpet.

I was sure she was a goner, but suddenly she whistled, summoning three bison to the hall.  She landed on one, got adjusted, and waved her hand at our bindings.  Suddenly, we were also falling onto the buffalo.  Burlida slapped hers with the side of her ankle, and all three started running.  We passed dozens of skeletons and diorama pieces, finally leaping out into the streets.  We kept going straight forward, stopping in Central Park.  Burlida surveyed our surroundings.  Joggers, birdwatchers and people with strollers screamed and started running, but it wasn’t because of us.  It was because a metal wolf was leaping onto the nearby playground.  The statue of Balto suddenly barked three times, summoning what must have been every dog in Central Park.  This is Central Park we’re talking about here.  About two hundred dogs were pursuing us moments later.

Along the way, we were joined by Hans Christian Andersen, Christopher Columbus, and the Mad Hatter.  No, really.  After what must have been half an hour of searching, we finally cornered Osiris-and his pet dinosaur-on the shore of the Onassis Reservoir.  Osiris sneered.  “You can never defeat the Egyptian god of death!  I have an unlimited army!”  He pointed at a nearby stand of trees.  Three Bloody Bones stepped out from behind it.  “I have supreme intelligence, and I have the skills to defeat ALL of you!”  I just smirked.  “ALL of us, Osiris?”  Burlida caught my drift and whistled.  A rumbling struck the city, and Osiris was, within mere milliseconds, surrounded on all sides by sculptures, stuffed animals (not the cute kind), and even 2-D paintings.  Osiris and his steed slowly stepped back, then suddenly he lunged.

Hundreds of Bloody Bones rose from the reservoir, and attacked our forces.  We charged.  Me and Jacob drew our weapons, and started hacking and slashing at any bloodstained skeletons that moved.  The statues followed suit, and New York City was now the site of an epic battle.  Finally, me and Jacob managed to corner Osiris, at the very edge of the water.  He grinned and snapped his fingers.  The world seemed to fade into fog, and then suddenly we were in the reservoir, onboard a massive Egyptian reed boat the size of a small cruise liner.  And we were at the very tip of the boat, ready to fall into a lake of giant, man-eating crocodiles.

I turned around, and saw Osiris, backed up by two Bloody Bones bodyguards, only these ones had eight arms, and they carried massive swords as long as they were.  One pointed it’s swords-all of them-at us, and we very nearly fell.  Osiris snickered to himself, and Jacob reached for his dagger-which wasn’t there.  That’s when I got an idea.  I grabbed Jacob’s hand, and jumped.  But I grabbed the reed hull of the boat, ripping it, and causing water to flood into it.  The boat tipped, crushing the crocodiles and drowning the Bloody Bones.  Osiris wailed in Egyptian, and made several extremely rude gestures at us, before going under.  Me and Jacob, still hand in hand, swam to the shore, and collapsed, gasping for breath.  Burlida rushed over, but got cut off by a ghostly blue skeleton.  She stabbed him in the eye and the skeleton crumpled.  Burlida suddenly whistled, and a very familiar giant catfish-the one from Australia-leaped out of the reservoir, swallowing the wreckage of the reed boat, and Osiris with it.  Burlida smiled.  “Isonades,” she said.  “Easy to train, AND they make great family pets!”

Without a leader, all of the boogeymen collapsed into dust.  The living statues and artwork returned to their proper museums and park areas, and the stuffed animals and skeletons returned to the AMNH.  Suddenly, a loud humming noise came from Burlida.  She reached into her hip like there was a pocket there, and drew out a jewel-encrusted cell phone.  “It’s for you, Sophia.  And it’s your mother.”  After all of the so-glad-to-hear-your-voice and the where-were-you-all-this-time stuff, I managed to convince Mom that I had gotten separated from her, and that I had managed to meet the headmaster of a very prestigious prep school.  It was the strangest and least believable story I had ever cooked up, but Mom bought it and allowed me to try three months at the school.  After a multitude of see-you-soon and other good byes, I hung up.  “By the way,” Burlida said.  “Whatever happened to Grendel?”  That’s when we all heard a distinct roaring noise coming from the general direction of the Chrysler Building.  I drew my weapon and looked at Jacob.  He had a crazy look in his eyes, like he was going to blow something up, and the three of us took off running.

“Status report, Bartolomew.”

“All is going according to plan.  Osiris was just a pawn.”

“And he’s dead?”

“Technically, he’s out of commission, but he won’t be a problem.”

“Good.  At the first chance you get, kill them.”

“Will do, master.  And what about the traitor?”

“Kill her, as well.”

“So our plan is going as we hoped it to be?”

“It will end well for us, or my name is not Zakesior Mynolaris.”

THE END…FOR NOW

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