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January 8, 2012 / milesandhisfavorites

MAHF Top Ten: Fictional Things

Let’s face it: who doesn’t want their very own Nimbus 2000?  Or a pen that turns into a sword?  This is my top ten items that you can only find in stories, but that I would get if I could.

#10.  Room of Requirement.  Okay, this is an actual space, rather than an item, but come on-what moron would turn down a room that becomes whatever they want it to be?  What would I make it?  To be honest, I just can’t decide!  Good thing it can change from Dumbledore’s Army training room to a magical artifact warehouse in an instant.

#9. Durational Spectrometer.  This is a piece of old tech from the SyFy show Warehouse 13.  It’s basically a security camera that records holographic images of whatever passes through its line of sight.  In other words, it’s totally awesome.  Why would I want to have this?  Because my little brother, Eli, likes to rampage through my room.  Maybe I could record a message or something and seriously freak him out.  Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, I’m so evil!

#8. Sultan Mimicker.  This awesome giant robot is from Scott Westerfield’s book Behemoth.  In the story, the ruler of Istanbul/Constantinople (same city, different names) sits in front of a giant robot that’s dressed in the same clothes that he’s wearing.  Now here’s the fun part: every time the sultan moves, the robot mimicks it.  It’s kind of like Buddha meets a giant metallic mime.  Usage?  Besides being able to ominously gesture at people?  C’mon, how awesome would it be to have a robot that copies your every move?  It’s like Mini-Me, only it’s huge and not as disgusting.

#7. The Tablet of Akhmenrah.  This is from the cheesy-but-awesome Night at the Museum.  Think a device that allows you to bring models, skeletons, paintings, basically anything inanimate, to life.  If I’m not wrong, the tablet is constructed of PURE AWESOME.  Just think of the possibilities!  Mannequins serving you breakfast, the Mona Lisa striking up a conversation with you, giant statues rampaging through Times Square while crushing pedestrians… sorry, my brain was stuck on Godzilla mode for a second there.

#6. Genie’s Lamp.  Maybe I’m still getting over Post-Disney World Withdrawl, but there’s no denying it-any three wishes is PURE AWESOME.  My three wishes would probably be: omnipotence, rule over the world, and for Hannah Graybeal to like me.  Ooops, that was wrong!  Three wishes: omnipotence, rule over the world, and… nah, I’ve got nothing else.

#5. Sonic cannon.  Imagine this: you walk up to my front door, ring the doorbell, and BAM! you’re hit with a pulse of force like nothing else.  That, my friend, is a Terra Nova sonic cannon.  Those babies can non-lethally take out an enemy in battle, break into a cabinet, or stun an angry Carnotaurus.  There are also sonic rifles and pistols, all of which are pretty dang cool.

#4. Reaper Bookmark.  This is from a pretty obscure, yet not half bad anime known as Black Butler.  Basically, it’s set in Victorian England, where a twelve-year-old business magnate named Ciel Phantomhive (I mentioned him before) makes a deal with a demon to avenge the death of his parents.  There’s just one small stipulation in the contract-once the death is avenged, the demon gets to eat Ciel’s soul.  The Reaper Bookmark is a magical thingamajig that can be used to control the present and change the past.  In other words, you would have complete control of world history.  PURE AWESOME.

#3. Animation Spell.  Hailing from Rick Riordan’s The Throne of Fire, it’s an animation spell, which is more like an animation potion.  All you do is drink it and poof, everything around you comes to life and goes under your control.  The only downside is that the potion tastes like dung+swamp water divided by Twilight (which is the stinkiest, worst thing ever made, other than Justin Bieber albums).  So, if you had to drink a downright awful beaker of who-knows-what, but it turns briefcases into guerilla soldiers, would you?  For me, maybe.

#2. The Eye.  Another piece of Terra Nova technology, the Eye is a supercomputer that allows you to sit in a cool-looking chair and access pretty much every piece of information ever recorded, including simulations of roller coasters.  Plus, you can do it all via hologram.  Now, I don’t know about you, but what part of that isn’t PURE AWESOME?  No part, that’s what.

#1. Plexpad.  More Terra Nova!  Think of an iPad frame that can project a sheet of holographic info into the air between it.  If that description confuses you, just look at this photo:

It’s portable, energy-efficent (at least, that’s what the ads say), and best of all, it can store almost anything on it!  Books, homework, medical data on killer parasites, and so much more!

So, are you guys drooling over these magical/technological/just plain cool items and whatnot!  Don’t forget, each and every one of them is (Running gag alert!) PURE FREAKIN’ AWESOME.

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